Saturday was a full rest day again. Today I met with one of my athletes (Liz) and we talked for over an hour- she asked me at one point if I thought I could do a local marathon as part of my training and I found myself telling her a safe and "by the book" response... forgetting that she had asked me about my opinion regarding myself. Half way through my "by the book" answer I stopped and realized that I am not going to go by the book- that the book was never written about me. I'm not the athlete with the physiology that I am constantly reading about and researching. My biggest weakness is not whether or not I can train to run fast- my confidence in myself knows no bounds when it comes to training. My weakness is racing.
I feel very disappointed in my race in Austin. Disappointed in the choices I made before the race (and during) which prevented me from running to my potential. Same old story..
I feel pissed right now and to me and my personality that is like pouring gasoline on an ember. My motivation to run well is crazy strong and I take comfort in knowing that my body will probably hold up to anything I throw at it (and I'm not just using that lightly- I do mean anything) ... leading me back to Liz's question. I do think I could race more often and I plan to. A marathon? Sure no problem. If my weakness is my mental tenacity in a race then I need to race more often.
I have 32 weeks until my next "A" race. That gives me ~3500 miles of running to get fit. The #1 thing I will focus on over the next 8 months will be NOT listening to other people. Liz said she felt guilty because she recommended the massage therapist.. Chuck felt bad because he recommended massage. In this country we Americans tend to jump at the chance to place blame for our own actions on others.. I call bull shit. If you tell me to jump off a cliff and I do then I'm the fool. I chose to get the massage.. period. What I found out in all this- the purpose of this experience- was that I have a fairly good understanding of what I need to do and what I am capable of. I am suggestible, as Liz pointed out, and I don't need to be. I need to trust more in my knowledge of what I can accomplish, and possibly I should trust even more in my courage as an athlete. I can run 2:15 in the next 4 years. When I say that- in my mind- I don't flinch. I can do that and I KNOW this.
I spent a great deal of time in the last months talking about how to run well, and I think I lived up to my own hype with my training logs... I fell short the one time that it mattered the most though. So I will get back to the good fight and work even harder his time around.
I'm rambling along with a flood of cathartic poopy.. which I think is really the purpose of a blog anyway- not to assume that anyone wants to really hear this bull shit but it's a chance to get things off your chest and release the tension of pent up thoughts.
Anyway- enough of just talking.