Wednesday, September 23, 2009


My jog this morning was with out a watch and on jeep roads that I spotted on Google satellite. The road petered out in to a clearing, in which was parked a van that didn't look abandoned. I generally have more fear of people than I do animals and since I don't want to get shot or worse... I turned around. I've read about how to fend off a cougar but nothing telling me how to fend off an angry redneck. I'm fairly sure waving my arms and making myself look big isn't going to work and since I didn't have my banjo with me I was in no way prepared to win a duel. If I can figure out how to run with my handgun I will feel better, and ironically join the group of rednecks that I fear.
My brain is clearing nicely and I'll wait until the week of Chicago to decide that I won't race. I received a comment from a sweet and happy person named "anonymous" telling me that I am "one fucked up person" and they think I have issues with my father because I love my sons so much and I feel guilty spending energy on this selfish quest of mine when I could be playing with my kids. Since I don't know who my father is I would have to say I don't have issues with him. The only thing I know about him is that he was a drug addict. Anyone posting anonymously on here obviously doesn't know me very well and I hate trolls so I deleted the comment, but it did make me think a little and that's a good thing, because I certainly do need to think more.

We learn the most from people we disagree with.

I don't have a problem telling people what I think, my friends know this and so do the people I don't like, so I may come across as being f-ed up but I would bet that I am just a guy who is willing to be open about what he's feeling. I was raised by a single mother who taught and showed me from day one to be true to yourself and surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. The anonymous poster obviously had issues with me and who I am. Maybe I'm his father!? But at least I know he dislikes me for who I truly am. This to me is far better than having someone like me for being who I pretend to be. I'm not pretending to be having an easy time right now. I could say that on my run yesterday I saw a rainbow and fairies sprinkling happy dust on me while I ran sub four minute miles, but I'm having a hard time and instead of a rainbow it's a bank of fog and trolls throwing handfuls of shit at me. I told Bob that I should just fake an injury so I could have an excuse for not running Chicago. But then I would have to "break" my streak of never having had an injury. Besides, I'm not afraid to let people know what's happening.
I'm a fairly thoughtful guy. I tend to complicate simple things with too much thinking though. Sort of like the old saying about not seeing the forest through the trees. I have a jumbled mess of rambling thoughts in my head that all lead to a fairly clear point. I'm changing again in what I want from life and I won't compromise, I never have. I love to run and it's that simple. There isn't anything after that last word. I may be more fit than I ever have been and my year has been amazing. I've trained very well and learned a ton and am stronger than ever... and I think I can leave it at that.
Running Chicago doesn't mean anything to me.
I no longer feel the need to prove anything by stopping a clock at a certain point. I love to run and I've done a lot of it and I have more satisfaction from weeks and months of hard work than a single day could give me. It's the journey I love. I've already picked my next race and I'm excited about it and I would not be surprised if I execute a stellar training cycle up to the race and walk away again. I'm fine with that. Because I love to run and running is about more than racing, to me anyway. I suspect that I'll run another marathon and try to go fast, but right now it's of no interest to me.


Anonymous said...

Wow... what a mixed up person anonymous must be. Pour soul. No soul? One could never Love their sons (or daughters) too much. And breaking a chain of past failed parents is bad ass. Your boys will never say you loved them "too much" that's for sure.

Your Mom obviously did a fine job teaching you to be true to yourself. I sometimes envy the part of you that marched to your own drum when you travelled with only a backpack, shunned a "big salary" or job with "benefits" to follow your heart in Ironman, being a stay at home Dad... and racing a 10 miler in "non-techy" clothes and a cowboy hat! And winning? Thought you had to look cool to win?! Ha! Take that anonymous blogger creep. A@@hole!

I think he is just jealous of the amazing surroundings where you and your "too loved" Family live. LIVE! More pictures please!


Justin Mock said...

Can’t imagine a redneck would be living in a van. That’s got to be a hippie up there. I’d expect wafts of smoke to come from the van, nothing more!

I’m with you on the anonymous comments. It’s one thing to get a negative comment from someone named, but quite another to get an anonymous one. It’s hard to respect an anonymous opinion.

Bottom line though, if you blog about your life, your running, and are willing to be honest about things, it’s not all going to be favorable. Kudos to you for being honest about it. It disappoints when folks have a bad race and the race report never hits their blog or they stop blogging altogether.

GZ said...

Crap. Can't we go back to pictures? ;)

Why the hell do people watch reality TV? This is 10x better. Rainbow, fairy dust, trolls, rednecks, hand guns, fatherhood, drug addiction, handfuls of shit, and the Chicago marathon.

Your honesty makes me wince (both on the blog and in person - as we have discussed) but I love it.

As you know, I said I thought you ought to run Chicago. But now I'd say you ought to run Chicago if you want to run Chicago.

Deep, eh?

We really need to make a league for CTF.

Keep on livin' it.

Ward said...

Thanks for keeping it real T... Hang in there, whatever happens.. happens.

American T-Boner said...

Hey T
sitting in the airport waiting and still waiting, people watching. catching up on what your up to! is the best part of this game, the race is rather boring! Now show me a marathon in the Bahamas and I might perk up a tad. Family and u in The Bahamas well that would fly bring them along. Chicago? last time i was there it was still another dumpy depressing American city field with filth.. Snow already! fuck that shit man way to cold way to fucking early! About to get lost for a very long time. best to u dog

Brandon Fuller said...

Paging, Dr. Phil.

You might not be getting faster these days but you are getting funnier. I like the mix.

Brett said...

My father was an alcoholic. He physically abused us and my mother. He emotionally abused us too. He ranted and raged and embarassed our family in public wherever he went. Sometimes I wish I had never known who my father was too.

I sometimes worry that the same running gait or mannerisms of my father are signs I am a wretched person like him deep down inside somewhere and at some point that hidden monster will come out.

And then I recall he is a fat fuck and he couldn't fit inside of me right now. So there.

Stare into your kids eyes from less than 1 foot away when you tuck them into bed. Just stare. It doesn't matter if that inglorious anonymous basterd was right or not - they are irrelevant.

wende said...

Hey Tim, remember the year you agonized about Ironman--you really didn't want to do it, but felt like you kinda had to since Uncle R and J had made plans to go to Kona, everyone was so excited and looking forward to it, blah, blah, blah? Just wondering....

Anonymous so missed the boat with you, you obviously have issues with fairies and happy dust!

See you in a day or so! :)

Matt said...

Holy shit. The best post ever, especially the part about the anonymous pee brain. What I would give to have such a scum bag waste his time on my beautiful life.

The van, the anonymous fart -- people are the problem (and the solution). That was the thesis of your photo essay, an interpretive text, but anyone feel free to complicate my read. I would be happy to explain.

I can't make Monterrey -- it's a big drive and would cost a few too many garbanzo beans. I'm bummed.

I'll just keep reading your killer blog.

Thorsten said...


jogging this morning I was listening to a podcast from Brett @ Zen & the Art of Triathlon (you can find it at

He was discussing the concept of SoulSurfers - professional surfers who do it for the fun of the sport and not for "winning a competition". He then applied the idea to "SoulTriathletes". Sounds to me like you're a "SoulRunner" .. check it out, maybe there are some interesting ideas in it for you.

Best wishes for whatever you decide to do!