Monday, January 19, 2009
Magnolia Monday.. 14 miles kickin my own ass.
One of the better runs that I can remember- fatigueless and strong... angry and motivated thoughts. I ran Magnolia which is somewhat famous.. .and very close to my house. Below are pics from the session-
This is just above my house as you tip over the peak at Wonderview..
Typical views on Magnolia- this is looking up at the Eldora ski area. The weather today was t-shirt warm.
Here's the elevation profile..
I was woken this morning by a nightmare. It's the first time that I have had this dream... it usually comes to me when I'm awake, but my awake mind could never make it as real as deep REM sleep could. I dreamt of the failures that I had at the Ironman and the regret of it all. I woke up feeling the emotional pain. In my dream I felt the high of finishing the Hawaii Ironman in 16th place over-all as an amateur, then the next year being picked to place in the top 5 and falling way short (25th place) because of a stupid decision on the bike. Ouch.. I stood up from my bed and was in my running clothes before I even started to make coffee. That's something. On Magnolia the dream was still swirling in my head and my stomach and I vented on the hills. My GPS read 5:20 pace on several of the longer downhills and my HR monitor was hitting 180 on some of the steeper ups. Self-flagellation is very effective for taking your mind off of the past, it snaps you back to reality and forces you to focus on the here and now. When I think of what I can learn from my mistakes of the past the thought that I didn't work hard enough rarely enters the equation (I truly believe that all of my mistakes have happened in the races themselves). Yet I still can't shake the idea that if I work harder than the next guy I can beat him. If I am able to push myself down and kick me in the stomach enough times... eventually it won't hurt me anymore. I'll get up every time a little bit stronger. I believe that my biggest weakness is also my greatest strength.. and that's my ability and desire to train as hard as I can. So as I begin this next phase of my jogging 'career', I am truly torn between doing the moderate and smart run schedule... and going with my gut instinct that has been born of regret and self inflicted hardship and is only satisfied by being pushed down and beat up.. only to see if I can get up again. Sorry for the rant... If you are one of my athletes and you think I am hard on you, you ain't seen nothin. Step in to my head one time on days like this and you'll think I'm stroking your hair.. We'll see what path I follow- my gut or my rational (waking) thoughts..