Mental strength..

Today I am considering taking a day off, by simply considering it I have pretty much already penned in a zero for the day. Last week I said I wasn't going to rest for the race but I am maybe changing my mind at the urging of a few very good athlete's that have been trying to talk me off the ledge. I do want to race well. That's not in question. And I think I can race well even fatigued. What I see happening this weekend is a chance to make a giant leap forward in my confidence as a marathoner. I want a break through race. Taking a rest week won't hurt my odds of this happening. By pushing hard this week I think I also give myself an excuse to not race well. When I start to suffer it would be easy to make the excuse "well, I didn't rest for this". And my own track record shows that I'll snatch up any excuse to slow down when it gets tough...
My track session on Friday is starting to sink in as to just how good it actually was for me. The physical benefit pales in comparison to the mental break through I had. I ran 5 X 1 mile in ~5:05 all the while moving at what I felt was 5:20 pace. And although this doesn't bode too well for the opening mile at KC this Saturday where I want to go through in 5:45 (I will be trying to hit 6:00 and hope I only hit 5:45), what it taught me was that I can hit 5:05 pace and not struggle. In the past I have always trained for the Ironman to go 6:30 per mile. Seeing paces faster than ~6:15 in an Ironman for me was suicide and I learned over time that I needed to fear going faster. I'm still carrying baggage from the Ironman and I am still fearful of seeing certain numbers on the watch. Eliminating the HR monitor has been a big help for me. After 10 years of using HR religiously I know what HR's feel like what and at what paces. Eliminating the HR monitor has eliminated one objective mental terrorist. Yesterday's long session was yet another break through of sorts in a long line of them in the past month. I still can't remember the middle 15 miles.. but I do remember letting go of expectations in regards to the fear of pain at the end. When I relaxed, both physically and mentally, my pace dropped below 6:00. If I didn't have a marathon in 5 days I may have just went with it. Towards the end I payed very strict attention to exactly what I felt (physically). My legs were tight. My chest was tight. The bones in my feet were noticeable... but none of it was actually painful. Just discomforting. What I also noticed was my mental fortitude start to weaken. I would catch myself thinking that I was hurting.. then I would reexamine the physical feelings I was having and, sure enough, there was still no pain. I was fighting a battle with my brain as to whether or not I needed to slow down... and I was winning. If I relaxed my thoughts and dissociated, I was allowing my brain the chance to send signals to my legs and my rational brain would sense them as pain... a firm back hand to the rational brain snapped it out of it's daze and the pain went away. The next time you're running (or jogging) hard and you start to think you need to slow down because you're hurting, try to rationalize exactly what you are really feeling. Open your mind and let the sensations flood your brain and ask yourself if it really is pain. Don't try to take your mind off of it, that's giving control over to the part of your brain that will try to make you slow down. Dwell on the discomfort and ask yourself if it really is that bad. Can you manage the feelings? Can you take more of this? Are you really alright? "Yes" will probably be the answer to all of those questions. When you want to slow down, ask yourself why first. If you think you're dying, before you ease up, find out if you really are. Or is the little place in the back of your brain that millions of years ago evolved and became the central governor for survival just trying to flex it's muscle?