Here are a few pics from Saturday. The sun was rising and it was about 35 degrees so the ponds and river were giving off mist. I just jogged easy for recovery. I feel the need for a rest break so I'm not going to push it. I feel it more in my head than my legs. Fatigue has never bothered- I think over the years I have grown so accustomed to being tired that it is what I consider normal. When I taper for a race I feel terrible because I never feel that. My brain is saying to rest from a rational point of view.
Nice little ranch.
Nothingness and perfectness as far as the eye can see.
A statue honoring the first settlers of the area.
Yep.. that's my boy. I hate cell phones but Ben likes to play with them.
This is main street of the town we're staying in.
The Hotel Grand Union where we'll be staying for the week. This was built in 1882. That's our rental car.. it's Montana.
The Missouri River.
Today (Sunday) we drove out to a 10,000 acre horse ranch and rode for hours. Not a man made thing for as far as the eye could see.
I didn't run today, my mind wasn't in to it. I'll end my week with 87 miles which I'm happy with.
A little ramblin.. I feel connected to my thoughts here. More focused and willing to look at my lack of spirituality. I know that I am a very deeply spiritual person, not in the traditional religious way though. I was turned sharply from the path of religion was I was 15 years old when a "man of God" said that I couldn't take communion because I wasn't a member of that church. I'm somewhat well versed in the Bible and I can't recall a list of rules for worshiping God. At 15 I learned that organized religion wasn't for me. Now at 36 I am even more bolstered in the thought.. the rich preachers and pedophile priests that the church protects, the million dollar church with the mercedes and escalades parked out front like a trophy. It disgusts me and I'm betting that somewhere up there God is feeling like he has failed.
Today while I was out under the "big sky" looking at the vast expanse of manlessness my thoughts wandered to the ideas of my Self, I know that it has gaps that need filling before I can become the person that my son deserves as his guide through this cruel and Godless world. I will not fail my son. When I'm taking my last breaths I will have nothing to apologize for, nothing that I wish I had done better. I see the time with my son as fleeting and too short and I refuse to look back with regret- not because of a lack compassion but because today and every day I will look at him with the realization that I have only one chance. There won't be any do-overs.
Self examination is tough and requires honesty that is painful and shameless. The more I do it the more I want it. I can feel the weight of my ego being slowly melted away the more I look at who I am with complete and open honesty. I see in stark clarity what I NEED in this world contrasted with a fading and weakening vision of what I WANT.